Workshop review: Bottom Responsibility by Venusian Society

Today is time for something educational, and pretty close to my heart.

Many times, I get approached by random newbies, both in person and online (see online examples), and asked to play with them. My answer is (almost) always no.

The reason?  Newbies often don’t have a clear understanding of what consent actually means. They say things like “I will do anything you want, Mistress.” Which is a massive red flag and translates to: “I will immediately strip myself of any agency, making YOU solely responsible for MY safety.”

Handing over all responsibility to someone else, in this case the Top, is never OK, and it makes the sub a massive liability. Yes, that’s right: it makes them the absolute opposite of an asset. A kinky lawsuit waiting to happen.

Also, I absolutely hate being called Mistress. It makes me think of cheating husbands and disloyal men. Ew, ew, ew.

So when I heard that Venusian Society was going to run a workshop titled ‘BOTTOM RESPONSIBILITY: Agency, Accountability, and Risk Literacy in Kink’, I had to attend it and give them a little spotlight.

For those of you unfamiliar with Venusian Society, they were established in 2024 in Greece, initially offering shibari workshops under the name Aphrodite in Ropes. They were created to build a space for sharing knowledge, highlighting the importance of care, and developing the awareness and confidence needed to safely experience kink and BDSM.

But more on them further down. Now it’s time to dive into the workshop!

TOPIC: This workshop focused on the importance of a bottom’s safety and responsibility. If you are interested in understanding more about what a bottom is, please do check out the archetypes here.

I wouldn’t say this is for bottoms only. I’d say this is for anyone in the kink community who wants to understand more about D/s dynamics. Below is the elevator pitch for the workshop, but I’ve expanded on the content a little more in this blog post.

ELEVATOR PITCH: Bottoming is not passive. Submitting is not a waiver. And treating it that way is hurting people, including you. Kink culture has a pattern of placing all responsibility on Tops while treating bottoms as if they have no agency in what happens to them. This creates a dynamic where bottoms stop advocating for themselves, outsource their safety to someone else, and then have no framework for their own role when something goes wrong. An educated bottom is significantly harder to exploit and significantly less likely to contribute to harm they didn’t intend to cause. This class is not a validation space. It is designed for bottoms who are willing to be honest about their own patterns and accountable for their part in the dynamics they enter.

TIMING & TICKETS: The workshop started at 5pm EST on a Friday evening, meaning 10pm UK time. As I had a clash, I simply listened to the replay in my own time. How convenient!! Tickets were also available on a sliding scale, with some complimentary tickets for students too, so it was pretty affordable.

FORMAT & PRESENTER: Since it was online, it was simply a link to join from the comfort of your own home, followed by a two-hour workshop with a presenter and a chat room for everyone to access. Sarai311 was absolutely great at presenting, explaining, and being kind and non-judgemental. Honestly, the workshop had a nice pace: not too fast, not too slow, and they stopped multiple times to cover specific slides that felt particularly important.

CONTENT STRUCTURE: The workshop was well structured, with slides that didn’t just call out the topics, but also explained pitfalls, gave positive and negative real-life examples, and elaborated on concepts that might be a little new.

I also loved that it started with a very clear statement: ‘YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY. Not your Top. Not the community. Not kink culture.’ Honestly, more of this, please.

HIGHLIGHTS: The workshop covered many, many concepts, but what I appreciated the most was that it made some clear distinctions in situations where clarity can make the difference between a good scene and a disaster waiting to happen. 

1. One of my favourites was the distinction between Permission vs Agency, and how agency is NOT passive. This is something I feel pretty strongly about myself. I hate ‘passive’ subs. Being submissive does not mean that you have lost your voice, your personality, or your ability to think. You don’t leave your brain at home just because you’re handing over some control.
2. Another clear distinction that I loved was Submission vs. Abdication. Because power exchange doesn’t mean that you are outsourcing responsibility and risk to another human, then sitting in the passenger seat while you both blindly drive over a canyon together. I expect my submissives to know their boundaries and limits, voice their preferences, and openly communicate if they change mind on something.
3. Lastly, another one of my favourites was Regret vs Consent Violation. And I have seen so many people regret things after a scene and then blame it on the Top or the bottom. It has happened to me so many times. I’ve regretted things in my relationships because I didn’t get the aftercare I needed because I hadn’t made it a non-negotiable. Or because I did a humiliation scene that my submissive wanted, but which negatively affected my own mental health because clear boundaries hadn’t been established beforehand. And honestly, it’s easier to call something a consent violation. But there is a difference between regretting something and being deceived, having your safeword ignored, or being coerced into doing something you didn’t want to do.

These distinctions matters. 

SOME FINAL NOTES: This is one of the most needed workshops for anyone exploring a D/s dynamic. We often focus on the Top’s experience but neglect the importance of the sub’s experience. Bottom responsibility is not about taking responsibility away from the Top. It’s about recognising that the bottom has responsibility too. Some great insights on the type of pitfalls to be wary of with D/s dynamics specifically, are the Four Dragoons of Dominance and Submission, but I will cover that in a future post.

The workshop ended on a fantastic note about empowering submissives to bring agency, preparation, choice, and accountability to any D/s dynamic moving forward. Because submission with knowledge is not less submissive. It’s safer, hotter, and harder to abuse.