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Ghost stories this Halloween

Warning, this is a ghost story.*

It might have happened to you, or to your best friend, or maybe you were the one doing it to someone else. It could have happened late a night or over the weekend, in your hometown or abroad. It’s like a plague, and there is no cure… or is there?

We are talking about ‘ghosting’. Urban Dictionary definite as: When a person cuts off all communication with their friends or the person they’re dating, with zero warning or notice before hand. You’ll mostly see them avoiding friend’s phone calls, social media, and avoiding them in public.

Whatever the case might be, I need to get this off my chest:

People who ghost other people are cowards.

Yes, cowards because they are incapable of having a difficult or uncomfortable conversation for the sake of human kindness. But the problem doesn’t stop there. Ghosting another person can create massive amounts of insecurities in the person receiving it. It can crush and destroy their self worth, leaving them with a lasting impact on how they relate to people moving forward. All because the ghosters are so consumed by their own ego and self preservation that they do not see, nor care, how they are hurting others.

This affect people in both long and short-term relationships differently, but one thing is the same: the fear that something you thought permanent (or semi-permanent) might suddenly disappear will lasts forever. And there is no way to undo this. This example I found on Reddit no long ago explains rather well, so I thought of sharing it. If you would like to read it from the source, click here.

Imagine that you had a nice house. One day, you returned from work to find an empty space in the area where your house used to be. There was no explanation for it. You tried to call the neighbors to ask how such a weird thing could even occur, but they stop answering the phone...

After a few years, you buy a new house that is even better than the old house. This house has a contract with a clause that states that it can never disappear. However, because of the first house, you never feel safe. You constantly have panic attacks while believing that this house will disappear. Even though this house is all that you ever wanted, you still have the fear and it runs your life.

This is the aftermath of ghosting. The new partner can be the best person in the world, but the fear of ghosting is a disease that cannot be cured once ghosting has occurred.

Reddit user - Ghosting is Psychological Murder

We now live in a digital world, where ghosting someone is easy and convenient. It’s easier to be the one that hurts instead of the one hurting. It’s easier to avoid confrontation, particularly if you are a coward and are uncapable of having a difficult conversation. But does that make it right? The short answer is no, it doesn’t

If you are a ghoster, think twice before you ghost someone. You are the only one who can stop this. Whether it’s someone you met on a dating app, a friend, or an fuck buddy, sending them a message to tell them that things aren’t working out, or something else is come up, or whatever the reason is, it’s an act of kindness. Choose respectful closure instead of lingering ambiguity. Also it doesn’t make you an asshole. 

if you are the ghosted, there isn’t a lot I can say, other than don’t bother with them anymore. If they have the emotional intelligence of a prune, then they are really not worth your time or effort. Let yourself feel the disappointment, you don’t want to leave that stuff brewing inside. Sometimes it helps to remove that person from your life, particularly from social. And once you are ready, simply walk away.

Remember: no amount of rejection can determines your worth; you are the only person who can do that. So don’t blame yourself for it, people who love you and care about you will always be in your life, and make you feel valued. 

There. I said it.