The other day, a friend of mine and I decided to organise pre-drinks ahead of a femdom party. The theme was simple: Role Reversal!
But shall we clarify what it means first?
Relationship Role Reversal is where traditional male and female relationship roles and dynamics are flipped. Instead of the man being the dominant initiator and the woman the nurturing receiver, it’s the woman who leads, initiates, or takes charge, while the man takes on a more receptive or supportive role. Cute, right? Totally my jam, of course.
But wat about in the context of BDSM and kink?
Relationship role reversal is largely vanilla, though it often overlaps with femdom spaces. It’s about questioning traditional expectations of who leads, pursues, and nurtures; creating room for couples to explore balance, attraction, and power in ways that feel authentic to them.
These days, role reversal is a niche space (at least for now), but I expect it to become more socially accepted in the future. Please, let’s all be a bit more open-minded…for my sake at least!
If you’re curious to learn more, I recommend this FAQ on Reddit.
And this takes me to the next thing I wanted to talk about…
If you wanted to organise your own event....
Where do I start?
Have you ever left a kink event thinking… “that was fun, I wish there was more of [insert your fantasy here]”?
I know I have. And most of the time, I’ve been lucky enough to find events that matched exactly what I dreamt of.
For example, Club Pedestal is very much an event close to my heart, with everything I’d want from a femdom night. Another example, from a few years back, is the Role Reversal parties, organised by a friend within the community. And then there’s The Cruel Huntress, another event made by kinksters, for kinksters (I know these are all femdom-related, but you’re the one reading my blog, haha). Some other more specific socials are here – Social review: Even more munches in London – where you can read about Femmes and/or male-specific munches.
But what if the one you want and desire is not out there? Then maybe it’s time to create it yourself. The beauty of the kink scene is that it’s built by the people who show up, share ideas, and make space for others to explore safely.
Some of the most memorable events start with someone asking, what if?
Start small!
Organising your own event doesn’t mean you need a massive dungeon or a huge guest list. It can be as intimate as a guided discussion night, a small play party in a private space with friends, or a social gathering in a public venue that focuses more on connection than kink.
What matters is clarity: know your audience, set your boundaries, and communicate expectations openly. When done well, you’ll attract people who value the same balance of curiosity, consent, and creativity that drew you into the community in the first place.
If you are unsure, ask your friends of other members of the kink community, maybe you will find someone interested in joining you. If you are thinking of doing something similar to something else that is out there, maybe ask them for advice, see if they have any tips of recommendations for you.
And remember that creating an event isn’t about size or grandiosity: it’s about contribution.
In short...
At its best, the kink world thrives when new voices bring fresh ideas, inclusivity, and care. So, if what’s out there doesn’t quite fit your desires, don’t wait for someone else to fix it. Build it, shape it, and invite others to play.
However, this willingness to take risks comes with some warnings…
Sometimes, you’ll have people criticising your event because it doesn’t include them specifically. Maybe your fantasy is creating a Role Reversal social, where women take the lead and men are in supportive roles, and female subs might complain about the lack of inclusion.
That’s because not every event needs to cater to everyone, and that’s okay!
The kink community is a vast and colourful spectrum, not a black-and-white piece of paper. No single night, workshop, or play party can represent every kink, role, or identity. Be clear about your intent in exploring a specific dynamic.
Clear boundaries aren’t exclusion; they’re structure, and structure allows participants to feel safe enough to lean into the theme without fear of judgement or misunderstanding.
The loudest criticism often comes from people who feel left out (or from those who think they’re being white knights), but that doesn’t mean your event is wrong. It just means it’s not for them.
In a community already battling a wider empathy deficit, it’s more important than ever to stay kind and curious (I wrote about it here TV review and Empathy Crisis: Adolescence). Not everyone will understand your choices or your event’s purpose, and that’s fine. What matters is how you communicate, hold space, and stay true to your values.
The healthiest, most resilient communities thrive when multiple spaces coexist: femdom socials, rope workshops, sensuality circles, impact nights, and everything in between. Each one adds its own shade to the spectrum.
So when someone pushes back, take a breath. Check your intention, keep your communication transparent, and trust that the right people will find their way to you.
After all, building the event you want to see isn’t about pleasing everyone: it’s about creating something authentic, meaningful, and true to your vision.
