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JTKC part 6: getting your party outfits on

Joining the kink community - part 6

You are going to a party and want to dress up for it

So, you’ve got an invite to a kink community party and you’re wondering what to wear?

I had a chat with a friend who’s new to all of this, and he mentioned how nailing the dress code was one of the biggest challenges (or barrier-to-entry as he put it) when attending kinky events.

Dressing right for these events can be tricky, especially when you’re not sure what’s expected. In my series on joining the kink community, I’ve covered creating online profiles, meeting like-minded kinksters, and finding events. Here are some of them…

Specifically, in JTKC 4 (Joining the Kink Community 4 – Pick a kinky party that works for you), I wrote about getting your outfit sorted but didn’t expand on much. So I thought.. why not write a post about getting your outfit sorted for a party? 

Let's get the vibe right

1. Check the event's dress code

This might sound pretty basic, but it’s super important. As soon as you get tickets, the first thing you should do is to check the event’s dress code. Even if you’re just thinking about going, consider the dress code before making up your mind.

Some event organisers set up an FAQ, and are quite detailed. They might provided suggestions and inspirations, or even a Pinterest board like for example The Fox Den or Fox & Badge events (yep, they’re fancy like that).

Some instead are a little more basic and to the point. Whichever it is, dressing up for a theme party or dressing down for a more relax event, picking an outfit is part of the fun 🙂 

2. General rules that apply to most parties

Dress codes are there for a reason. They gives guests some sense of security that they’re surrounded by their community. In a way, dress codes allow everyone to feel comfortable enough to let go and enjoy their time without feeling judged by the vanilla community.

Also, if you can respect a dress code, it shows that you can follow rules and make an effort. And that can go a long way.

Most dress codes have in common three simple rules:

1. No jeans or t-shirts: these are generally not allowed, as they are too “regular” a – so they’re a no-go here to keep the energy buzzing.
2. No nudity: Mate, don’t get too comfy. Nudity is often only allowed in very specific areas of the party (sex rooms, dungeons, etc), so keep it in your pants unless explicitly allowed.
3. Make an effort: yes, this is great to keep the vibe alive! Besides, half the fun is starting conversations with other guests on their outfits, isn’t it?! (or is that just me?)

These seems pretty straightforward, right? Now, onto the nitty-gritty – is the dress code strict or laid-back? Any themes? Let’s take a look at options.

Did you get that dear? Ready to ride on? 

3. What do I wear if the dress code is relax?

If the event doesn’t have a dress code (although most kinky parties do), check the event’s page. You might find a picture gallery, some photo albums or even a treasure trove of pics from past shindigs on Instagram. These are fantastic places if you need inspirations or ideas for your outfit, or simply to better understand the vibe of the event.

For example, remember that when going to a munch (Munches: Dos and Don’ts) kinky attire is strongly discouraged. Going to an event like Thirst instead, where things are more relaxed, you can blend casual with kink (Party review: Thirst Friday). On the other hand, if you’re venturing into “Torture Garden” territory, you will be deny entrance unless you comply to their strict dress code (Party review: Halloween at Torture Garden & Party review: Valentines at Torture Garden).

Quick tips for newbies:

  • If this is your kinky first party and the dress code is basic (like black tie and cocktail dresses), then you might already have something in your wardrobe that works. Go for that. Once there, get inspired by other guests and work something different for the following time.
  • If there is no clear dress code, a good way to go is ALL BLACK. Black shirt, black trousers, black dress, black everything.
  • If you want to stand out, a suit or a little black dress might work for you or against you. You might want to try a new look, and that’s great. But do not risk feeling out of place or uncomfortable in an outfit that doesn’t feel like you
  • Remember what you are trying to get out of this party (maybe re-read this JTKC Part 5: Getting ready to go to a party), it might be that the most important thing, is being your one true self

4. What do I wear if there is a theme?

One of the reasons event organisers have themed parties is to allow people to meet the dress code without breaking the bank. Party organizers often drop theme ideas on social media, so check it out for inspiration. 

If the theme is familiar to you, you might already have an idea for your outfit. If it’s not, your might struggle to find something in your wardrobe that can work around that. 

Most of the time, you will be able to sort out an outfit with what you already have. Sometimes however, you might need to do a quick shopping trip.

Remember you don’t have to spend a ton of money to match a specific theme, but there are some simple tricks to give you the right look without breaking the bank.

Quick tips for newbies:

  • The function of a dress code is it shows intention and effort. And if you make an effort (not necessarily a financial effort), people will appreciate it.
  • Try to see the dress code as an opportunity to explore yourself, and remember: being creative is key.
  • If you do want to buy something for the occasion, got a shop and just try things on. Even if you don’t think they will work. Sometimes you will be surprised at what does and doesn’t work.  

No need to think that hard. That’s what Pinterest is for.

5. How can I get creative without breaking the bank?

If you want to stand out or maybe you want your look to be more original, before spending money on a lot of new gear, try a few things first.

Make up

Make up can be very powerful, do not underestimated it. And I am not talking about the ordinary make up. Think bigger, think shapes, think colours that pop, think patterns.

For example you could opt (depending on the theme) for some face painting or tribal looks; some animal patterns on your body; or temporary tattoos and stickers.

Creating patterns with colours.

Dark mode on.


Never underestimate your own hair! You could try a warrior/viking hairdo, or if you have facial hair, play around with glitter. Whether you get a glitter beard or glitter eyebrows, they can really change your look, by a LOT.

You could use a lot of hair clips to create a pattern, or make hair buns shaped like animal ears, or use hair gel, hairspray of different colours. Use your imagination!

When your eyebrow game is on point.


Headpieces can be amazing additions to your look. You could go for something quite light, such as flowers or ivy in your hair, that can be part of a hairband or other hair accessory.

Alternatively, if you want a more dramatic look, you could wear a King or a Queen’s crown to add some royalty to your outfit. If you go for more, add some holiness by playing devil or angel with either horns or an halo. With that, you can find a LOT of variety, as horns and halo come in all shapes and sizes.

If you feel like going with something more traditional, you can opt for a themed hat, maybe something more old school or vintage, like a top hat a beret.

Whatever you go for, believe me, it can really transform yourself, as well as adding a couple of inches in height 🙂 

I would feel so tall wearing those horns.


Face and body jewellery can be worn on (semi)naked skin or over clothes. You can try layering up multiple necklaces, or wearing larger wristbands on your arms, or anything else. 

Face stickers and stones can add that extra sparkle, particularly if you want to bring a little extra light to your face or chest or anywhere at all, without adding jewellery to your outfit.

You can buy some that are super easy to apply, simply stick-on, and some that are more like tattoos that you need to get water on it and then they stay on the skin for a while. I found some online that are golden pattern which look amazing, but you can find all sorts. 

The stick-on ones can also we re-used if applied on clean skin (moisturisers make it a little harder for these to stick on, so bear that in mind). Make sure you properly store them and look after them. However a lot of them times, you can buy these fairly cheaply. 

Gypsy Shrine all over.

Crystal stones look great combined with make up.


Accessories, belts, petticoats, gloves, masquerade masks, wings, a walking stick with a skull on it (I have seen one and it looked so cool), and more. These are great for creating different looks.

You can also try wearing body tape for something more daring look, or duct tape, for a more industrial look (just careful with the glue), a pair of fishnet for your arms that you don’t mind tearing, or a body harness on top of your clothes.

If you are handy with arts and crafts you could make something for yourself at home. Try for something entirely out of the ordinary, like magical staff/wand/pet that sits on your shoulder. Whatever you think will fit with your chosen character.

Yes, this can be tricky, and sometime a little bit of work, but dressing up it’s part of the fun. 

Casually carrying an ibex’s skull.

Traditional goth clothes might also be a fairly inexpensive option for men/male-identifying kinsters. I always recommend trying to adhere to the party’s dress code as much as you possibly can.

But remember to stay true to yourself, so pick a character or a look that you know you can be yourself in. 

6. What do I wear if the dress code is strict?

If the dress code is strict, and this is one of your very first parties, please ask yourself: are you ready for this commitment?

If you are not 100% sure, I would strongly recommend that you start with a party/event that has a more relaxed vibe. Something that is easier to dress for, and once you are there you might be able to get more ideas about the style or look that you would like to incorporate in your next outfit.

But if you’re game, my suggestion would be to invest in a couple of items of clothing that are a little different, and fit you and your style. On this page you might find some brands that do kinky and fetish clothing, but I will cover a little more in another blog post probably. 

That's a wrap!

In short: three things.

  1. Dress codes matter, but your authenticity matters more.
  2. You don’t have to figure your own style right away, take time to explore.
  3. Remember, kindness rules in the kink community.

That’s all for today, I hope you find this helpful.