Home / blog / JTKC part 4: pick a kinky party that works for you

JTKC part 4: pick a kinky party that works for you

Joining the kink community - part 4

You joined online and now want to join in person ... but how do you find kinky events?

I wrote about creating a profile on FL. And then I wrote about messaging people. And then I wrote about taking a good dick pic (since it seems inevitable like death, at least make it a decent one).

Now the winter season is coming and the choice of parties is never-ending! So the next step is finding an event that works for You.

joining kink 1
joining kink 2
joining kink 3

Sometimes I write about kinky events I attend – see party reviews or social reviews. But that’s not all there is to it. Online you can find a huge choice of events formats, types, and venues.

See it this way:

  • Events come in different format: there are parties, socials, raves, wine and dine evenings, panel discussions, online or in-person workshops, and so much more.
  • Their type can also hugely vary: you can find kinky or fetish events, alt or themed events, but also events centered around something specific – think femdom, swingers, metal, fancy dress, etc.
  • Venue also plays a big role, and it can change the vibe of the party: clubs, private homes, mansions, hotels, warehouses, town houses, spas, and such.

Now, let’s say you attended a munch and met a bunch of people. You heard about a few different events, and you want to know which one would be a right fit for you. 

You've heard about a couple of events, what's next?


You attended a munch or a social, and you heard of a couple of events that interested you. Or maybe you saw them online or on FL, or while searching for events in your area, or maybe someone you know is going.

It’s hard to know which one is the right event for you, but you can check a few things to see if it’s a match. 

Does the event look safe?

Check the number of attendees, check where the tickets are sold and whether it’s a known reseller. Have they organised other parties? Can you find any reviews of the organisers, maybe for a similar event or something else they run? Why not head to a munch some time before the event and ask around if anyone has heard of them? Make sure you do some due diligence on the events when you browse, you want to try and pick the right one for you.

Does the vibe look like your vibe?

When you are vetting events, take a look online at reviews, pictures of the events on social media (some events have picture galleries online). Check what the vibe is like. Is it a chilled/casual vibe? Does the event has a specific theme? Is it a high protocol? Check if it’s popular with a certain demographic, like age or sexual orientation. Some events tailor specific needs, for example FemDom or Metal music, so make sure you read the event’s description. The last thing you want, it’s to feel out of place at an event that you are attending for the very first time.

Do you have the right outfit?

What is the dress code, is it strict or relaxed? Some parties have Pinterest boards, so check the event’s page for that. If it does or it doesn’t have a dress code (although most kinky parties do), make sure you have an outfit you feel comfortable in. You will need something that fits with the theme, and that say something about yourself. Yes, this can be tricky, but dressing up it’s part of the fun. Bear in mind that, sometimes, you can sort out an outfit with clothes you already have, however, sometimes, you might need to go shopping. Be prepare to potentially invest in a couple of items of clothing that are a little different, and fit with you and your style


Remember that your clothes say a lot about you. And so do your accessories. For example if you wear a collar then you identify as a sub. If you instead carry a whip you might have domming tendencies. You get the gist. On this page you might find some brands that do kinky and fetish clothing.

Also here is a post by Bakji from Proud to be Kinky that might come in handy 🙂 – How to REALLY meet someone into fetish and kink.

Take your time and then pick one!

Next I will write about getting ready for a party, so watch this space 🙂 

Have a good one and keep it kinky!