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JTKC part 7: Where to buy an outfit

Joining the kink community - part 7

Style, Clothes, Final Touches

WOOP WOOP! It’s 2024! And after working on this for something like 2 month, I finally finished it 🙂 
As you know, in my ‘Joining the Kink Communityblog series – specifically in JTKC 4 (Pick a kinky party that works for you) and in JTKC 6 (Getting your party outfit on) – I wrote about parties and outfits. But I did not get a chance to go into details on where to source the main parts of your outfit.
I did however covered how you need to find a pick a party that works for you /your vibe, and have a clear understanding of the party’s rules (no jeans, or t-shirts, no nudity, and ‘make an effort’ are classic kinky parties guidelines). Now… should there be a dress code, it’s strongly encouraged that you follow that, so that you show intention.

So what are the steps to create your own outfit? I love a 1,2, and 3. Here are three steps for creating a wardrobe for your persona:

  • Step one: Find your style.
  • Step two: Find the clothes.
  • Step three: Final touches. 


Depending on how you identify and what your style is, try to match your clothes and accessories accordingly. You will feel more at ease.


I would recommend a quick read about the most common BDSM’s roles in The ABC of BDSM. Alternatively, check out How Kinky are you test? for a more complete list of archetypes, so you can better understand how you identify.

Understanding how you identify might help you say something about yourself through your clothes and accessories. 

Example: Let’s say you identify as a sub and the party’s vibe is very relax with no strict dress code. You could simply wear something slutty and play with accessories such as wrist leather cuffs or a tight-fitting necklace/collar. Alternatively, if you identify as a top, you could wear a shoulder-pads jacket or a corset, style your hair like a viking, wear things with studs, or carry a paddle/crop (of course do not hit anyone unless you have clear consent and are familiar with the tools). You get the gist. 


Start by looking at events’ galleries, and what other guests are wearing. Check out Pinterest boards for ideas, and browse online shops (here are some to get you started). 

Search for a look that feels like YOU.

Example: You could be into rainbows, unicorns, black, goth, punk, sparkles, 70s, sequins, literally anything. Whatever it is, browse and browse and browse. You want to try and get a sense of what you think you will love and will make you feel comfortable.

Whatever you go for, it’s not set in stone. Everyone evolves and changes throughout their kink journey, but it’s a start.

My catch 22: Goes to parties to find outfit’s inspiration. Need outfit to go to said party lol


It’s time to build a small starter-wardrobe. You have three options: borrow from a friend, buy second hand, or buy new.


By now, since you have been at a few munches (you have, haven’t you??), you should have made a few friends from the kink community. 

If you buddy up with a friend to go to a party, you could ask for help with your outfit (if you are both comfortable with that). Personally, I love getting ready with a friend, while having a couple of drinks. If you have that sort of a friend, it might be an option and they could lend you something, or know someone who has a spare accessory that might fit your style.

Making your own is also an option. If you are good with macramé, you could make your own dress or accessories (or find a tutorial online). If you have some old headbands you could make your own horns or animal ears, and so forth.

In short, borrowing or making your own outfit is always a good (although temporary) option if you are starting new and have not decided where to invest your money. 

mask whip


Charity shops and vintage markets are beautiful caves of wonders. You might be able to find something there that suit your needs, even if it needs a couple of stitches, or a trim here and there.

Your first item of clothing doesn’t need to be kinky, just different. Think of a quirky belt, or some sparkling suspenders, or a see-through top, or a chainmail necklace. Something that you might even wear going out with your friends, on a vanilla night out. Remember, some items of clothing as simply timeless, and some can be reused in new, alternative ways.

Don’t be afraid of asking the shop assistant for help, maybe tell them the theme of the party and share some ideas of what you had in mind. They might be able to come up with some creative ways to help you out.

Leather can be a good start in kink/bdsm since it never goes out of fashion. If you buy second hand, it might be a little more affordable (as it tends to be expensive), and you can get a few more years for a bargain as it does lasts a long time (and sometimes stretches enough to adapt to your body shape).

It’s 100% worth popping into your local charity shop or a vintage market. You never know what you might find.

Brick Lane in London has a lot of options (this is one of the biggest ones), and there are also a few across Central London (here is a list from Secret London).

If you prefer online shopping, eBay is obviously one of the most well-known. But also Vinted and Depop are online store that sells second hand, and both have a few alternative clothing. 


If you live in a big city, I would probably start with kinky pop up events and monthly reoccurring fetish markets, they are the best places to get ideas. Sometimes these events are ticketed, but still very affordable.

These event generally cater to the kinky, BDSM, and queer community, offering a range of kinkwear and fetish gear. They have a lot of options and often are in ‘friendly’ places (like a bar, or pub venue). 

Remember, you don’t have to dress up to attend these events, you can most likely just turn up in your everyday clothes. Make sure you browse all the little shops. When you see something you like, stop and explore more of that shop.

The shop owners are super friendly, so feel free to ask them questions and find out more about what they do and how they make their products. That might help you better understand the vibe and if it matches with yours. 

In London, Pop-ups like Charmskool are pretty popular (here is a review from me, and a follow up review with few more details).

london alternative market

There are also other events like London Alternative Market running monthly, and Le Boutique Bazaar, running a few time a year.

Big cities might have entire neighbourhoods dedicated to alternative lifestyle. Look for that neighbourhood in your city, and head there. Look at all the shops and search for something that feels like YOU, like YOUR VIBE.

For example, in London, if you head to Camden you are sure to find a LOT of alternative clothing shops. Shops in Camden will cater for goth, punk, cyber, and general alternative fashion. There are a few markets in the area, so feel free to go for a long stroll.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions to the shop owner, and if you are a newbie, tell them so. They might be quite forthcoming and guide you through the type of accessories and clothes they have.

If you prefer online shopping, there are plenty of options for all pockets. If you have some money to spend, you could go for something original (even custom-made) and browse something handcrafted on Etsy (which is VEEEERY kink-friendly). There are a lot of boutique shops there that are super nice.

Of course, Amazon too provides a lot of options, on the cheap side, but please be aware that quality might not be as good, and products might not last you for as long (generalising here, but please do bear in mind). Similarly to Amazon, with the rise of cheap fashion through apps such as Shein (sort of ASOS) and others, there are often cost effective options for alt clothes and accessories, but not the most ethical.

Great shops for alternative clothing (with options for men and women) are Sai Sai and Black Widow, both in Camden, London.

gender is a spectrum

Attitude, The Black Angel, Violent Delights, and KillStar are online alternative clothing shops, with LOTS of options for men and women.

On this page I have sorted a lot of brands by they type of material used. In short, you can opt for leather, lace, metal, latex, etc.

For example, if you fancy leather, you will be pleased to know that 1) leather never goes out of fashion, and 2) leather is very popular in the kink community. If you buy something brand new, you should be able to get quite a few years of wear, as it lasts years, even decades.

Of course if you prefer to opt for a vegan option, you should research the material properly as (although the vegan leather industry has massively evolved) sometimes items do not last as long as you hoped.

If you’d like to get some latex for yourself (a very popular choice in the kink community), you are in luck! There are a lot of companies both in London and online that will do latex clothing. You can buy latex off the shelf or made to measure, and the cost can vary a lot.

Remember that Latex is a tricky material and needs a little extra care, similarly to leather. I wrote a blog post on that a while ago, here it is for reference: HOW TO LOOK AFTER YOUR OWN LATEX.

Another super popular option is lace. You can get a lot of different lingerie that is unisex, and it’s available everywhere. You can get lacey dresses, or tops, or skirts, or bodies, from both kinky or not kinky shops. 

If you saw something you love, but can’t find it, remember that Google has a reverse image search. Try that first and see what comes up, otherwise, ask around to friends and on FetLife.

Not 100% sure about an item of clothing (particularly an expensive one)? Wait a few days. If you still love it, then get it. I personally do that with anything that is a little on the expensive side. Try things on, think what else you have in your wardrobe that might marry well with it. 

For latex, we have lots of options in London.

F.A.B. is run by Max, who has been on the scene for many decades, he’s great help and always happy to chat.

F.A.B. in Camden, London

Libidex does a few online sales and daily deals with certain items at 50% off, and they ship worldwide (just subscribe to their newsletter). Twice a year they also run a sample sales, where they make many items very very affordable. 

Breathless is another London-based, run by Dolenta. It’s near King’s Cross (they started in Kensington back in 1998); all items are manufactured onsite and they do tailor-made garnments.

Honour also has a big selection, both in their shop near Waterloo station in Central London and online. They also have a specific collection for male subs, inspired by Club Pedestal.

Creativity is key on a tight budget.


Use whatever you have at your disposal. This includes hair, eyebrows, facial hair, make up, headpieces, face jewellery, body jewellery, props, and in doubt opt for all black. I wrote this post which will definitely give you some ideas for options (see point 5. How can I get creative without breaking the bank?): JTKC PART 6: GETTING YOUR PARTY OUTFITS ON.

Don’t be afraid to play with whatever you have, and make it fun!

That’s all for today, I hope you find this helpful. Have a good one and keep it kinky!