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Power, play, and history of Female Domination

The only way is the FemDom way

Exploring the power, play, and a bit of history of Female Domination.

You might’ve gathered from all the blog posts I’ve written that I’m into Femme Domme.

So let’s explore the wonderful world of FemDom a little deeper, a realm where the power dynamics of BDSM are delightfully reversed. Yes, reversed. I find the term rather odd, to be honest. It implies a deviation from the norm… even though I strongly believe this should be the norm. #FemDomALLTHEWAY

There’s a lingering stigma around FemDom, born from the fear of being judged. Judged because society tells men they must be strong and dominant, while women must be delicate and submissive. Men are expected to protect; women, to be protected.

So it follows (at least in society’s view) that men should be the tops and women the bottoms. And yet… I’d bet good money that when a caveman got home to their partner, all they wanted was to be looked after and surrender completely in the arms of their beloved.

The roots of Female Domination stretch far back, woven into ancient myths and modern playrooms alike. If you’ve never experienced it, I encourage you to explore (starting outside the bedroom, of course). Begin a journey along your own learning curve—your dirty, dirty curve.

First, let’s get into some definitions, and then we’ll take a sexy stroll through FemDom history.

Want to read more posts about Femdom? Click here.

What is FemDom?

If you look up FemDom online, you’ll likely find it described as a dynamic where a woman takes the dominant role in BDSM activities.

But being the dominant partner isn’t just about the act itself. It’s not only about who’s doing what to whom. In a D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationship, the real core is the exchange of power and control, deliberately given and consciously received.

At its heart, the relationship between a Dominant and a submissive revolves around three things: control, consent, and communication. Let’s break it down.

CONTROL

Control can look different depending on the dynamic. Some submissives focus on serving, some on receiving, and many enjoy a delicious combo of both.

Think of it this way: if you love giving your Domme foot massages, you’re into serving. If you get off on being tied up or teased, that’s more about receiving. Most D/s relationships are a fluid, negotiated mix.

CONSENT

Consent is when someone voluntarily agrees to the proposal or desires of another.

It’s the cornerstone of any ethical kink dynamic, and luckily, there are many frameworks out there to help guide you through it.

Here are a few popular ones (and if you’re curious, you can read more here):

Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC): The OG of kink ethics. Ask: Is this safe? Is this sane? Are we both truly consenting? Simple, but some find it too vague.
Risk-Aware Consensual Kink (RACK): A little more grown-up. You’re aware of the risks, can name them, and both parties agree to move forward anyway.
Personal Responsibility, Informed, Consensual Kink (PRICK): Kinda the next step. You are informed of the risks, you consent, and you take personal responsibility for yourself.
Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific (FRIES): The shared activity is a choice, made without pressure, force, manipulation, or while drunk or high. Anyone can change their mind about what they want to do, know exactly what they are getting into it, and they are totally into it. (big fan of this one)
Wheel of Consent: This one has got four nice slices – Serve, Take, Accept, and Allow. Each slice tells a story of its own, guiding us through the wild and wonderful world of touch and consent.

consent is like fries planned parenthood

COMMUNICATION

Think of this as your pre-play checklist. Sit down with your partner (or stand up—whatever works) and have the chat.

Check in with them. Check in with yourself. Are you both 100% down for what you’re about to do? Because at the end of the day, this is play, and if it’s not fun, what’s the point?

Share your likes, dislikes, hard limits, and fantasies. Make a checklist if you like (you can find some standard ones online too). Talk about what excites you. Update it often as you grow, discover new kinks, or just fancy trying something new.

What else? Share the porn or femdom art that turns you on. You can start with reddit, or blogs, or twitter, or manga, or wherever you feel comfortable. And remember, doing this outside of the bedroom can help removing some of the pressure and give more time to do your own research.

The origins of Femdom, some snippets of history!

The term Femdom has been around since at least 1986, mostly in reference to pornography. But the concept? Oh, it’s way older than that.

Ancient Beginnings (c. 2000 BCE – 500 BCE)

Our journey starts with the goddesses of antiquity. From the formidable Isis of Egypt to the fierce Inanna of Mesopotamia, powerful female deities embodied dominance and control. These divine figures didn’t just demand worship, they symbolised the potent blend of sexuality, mystery, and power.

Isis: An ancient Egyptian goddess associated with magic, motherhood, and fertility, Isis was revered as a powerful figure who influenced kingship and societal roles.
Inanna: A prominent deity in Mesopotamian mythology, Inanna was associated with love, beauty, sex, fertility, and war, reflecting complex aspects of female authority.

Medieval Mystique (c. 1100 – 1500 CE)

Fast-forward to the Middle Ages, where we find traces of Femdom in the courtly love tradition. Knights adored noblewomen, placing them on pedestals and pledging unwavering obedience. While not explicitly BDSM, this flirtation with submission and female authority hinted at dynamics we recognise today.

Courtly Love: A highly conventionalised code prescribing the behavior of ladies and their lovers, emerging in the later Middle Ages and influencing medieval literature. I personally do love to be courted.

Victorian Voyeurs (c. 1837 – 1901 CE)

Ah, the Victorians—buttoned-up on the outside, deliciously kinky on the inside. Beneath all that repression, underground fetish clubs thrived. Femdom-themed literature like Leopold von Sacher-Masoch’s Venus in Furs emerged, painting vivid scenes of male submission and female mastery.

Yes, masochism literally comes from Sacher-Masoch’s name. When I interviewed Derek, organiser of London’s biggest Femdom Club, I added a mention, take a look.

Modern Manifestations (20th Century)

The 20th century brought Femdom further into the light. Post-war liberation movements gave women more social power and new expressions of dominance. The BDSM community, with its emphasis on consent, negotiation, and play, gave Femdom much room for growth.

Evolution of Femdom: The 20th-century sexual revolution and internet growth made Femdom more visible and accessible to broader audiences.

Today’s Kinky Landscape (21st Century)

In contemporary times, Femdom is celebrated through media, art, events, and online communities. From dominatrix-led sessions to femdom-themed fashion and storytelling, it’s both a lifestyle and a deep, juicy passion for many. You can google this one yourself *wink wink*

Femdom has a rich history, with ancient reverence, medieval chivalry, Victorian intrigue, and modern empowerment. Embrace the power, the play, and the legacy of Femdom as you continue on your kinky journey. 🔥 (*cheering noises saying ‘Fem-Dom-Fem-Dom-Fem-Dom’*)