Kink community: Derek, Club Pedestal’s organiser

NSFW pictures further down the page. 

I have been into FemDom for a long while. You might have gathered that from some of my blog posts; like the pegging workshop, more about pegging, and harness to peg people with, or the book reviews from Mistresses and Dominatrices, like Aleta Cai or Lorelei, or the interviews ones, like Miss Kim Rub or Miss Pixie Mills.

Since I have been going to Club Pedestal more consistently for some time, and thought it was time to interview the organiser 🙂 Meet Derek!

Firstly, can you please tell us who you are and how you identify yourself?

I’m a masochistic man, in the old school sense, masochistic as in the same kind of sexuality as Leopold von Sacher-Masoch. Weirdly I don’t think there’s a persona for that. Especially weird as he’s the original archetype. As though they don’t like us or something.

What’s your sub persona like? Are you a knight, a pet, a butler, a slave, gladiator, servitude is the way, people pleaser, golden retriever sub, enthusiastic, friendly, upbeat, fun, kill them with kindness, humble but sure, approachable, etc?

That’s a massive list but none of its really me. Every time I see a choice of labels for people like me I’m genuinely shocked at the choice. Reminds me of a time I encountered a Domme at a party who wanted to know what I was. Choices of “submissive” or “slave” or “bottom” or “masochist” (distorted meaning). I think i said “worshipper” and she got quite cross because it wasn’t in the list.

In Venus in Furs, Masoch describes men as being something like “priest/slave”s, which struck a cord for me when I read it. It can feel like you’re an “acolyte” of Goddess type women I suppose, but there doesn’t seem to be a word for it. It feels religious to me.

How long have you been part of the kink/BDSM/fetish community? When did you discover it? And what made you stay?

I’m in my late 50s, I think I’ve always been in it. When I was a tiny kid I remember playing Empress and slave with my baby sitter’s daughter, we were both about 4 years old. I felt I had a history even then, I cant remember a time I didn’t feel like it.

I started going to fetish parties when I was 20, back in the late 80s. I couldn’t wait to find them, even before I knew for sure they existed. I knew there had to be something like that out there because of what I read in books, odd references to parties. Fetish scene proper, as in parties, about 37 years, god I sound old.

Seems like yesterday I walked into an event called “She Who Must Be Obeyed”. I had high hopes and wasn’t disappointed. It was thanks to Skin Two magazine at the time. I found that during my searches of dodgy shops in Soho. That seemed the natural place to seek leads to these mythical parties I thought would be out there. I got told to “fuck off” a lot by shopkeepers until someone pointed me to Skin Two. In the pages of that magazine were all I hoped to find, details of fetish parties. I’ve not stopped going since.

Did you face any challenges?

Finding what to wear. I was horribly shy about it. I was so used to hiding what I am, it was a challenge to have to suddenly advertise it with my very clothing.

Perhaps that’s why when Pedestal started up, we took a more relaxed approach to dress for new people. An understanding that it’s a challenge to take those first steps, and sometimes even genuine lifelong fetishists will need a help in hand.

The first club night I attended, I stood outside for a couple of hours until I got my courage up. Once inside of course, all the nerves fall away. Such is the excitement and relief to have finally found your tribe.

There is a form of cognitive dissonance in men like me. We have to resort to very strange language to define ourselves, but the words aren’t really there. The words we are given often clash with other sides of our personality.

We end up believing we are defined by words that clash. The cynic in me thinks this is deliberate, because what we are is at odds with what our society has become. The trick is, I feel, to make up your own words, stop using the language of your enemy. Over time they have undefined us.

Are you facing any of these challenges to this day?

Not really.

Did anyone else join you in these endeavours?

Lots of partners on the way. Wonderful bohemian Women you meet at the clubs, all the amazing characters. I got addicted to going. I preferred it, to be honest, before the internet.

There was so little chance to talk about what we were back then, and whats going on, that when you met each other there would be an explosion of chatter and exploration. Also there were fewer people trying to tell you what to think.

You run Club Pedestal, can you please tell me more? And how does it work?

I think “run” is probably the wrong word. Nobody can “run” it, it’s club full of freedom loving women and their worshippers/fans, if they don’t get what they want you’re in deep shit. It can be a genuinely terrifying experience for anyone with some responsibility. Great fun to be involved though, and when it comes together – euphoric.

I think the trick is to facilitate it happening, without attempting to control it. There are lots of people involved. Dungeon Monitors, House Slaves, Matriarchy, perfumers, dungeon crew. The people exist without us of course, our job is to bring them together and provide the playground and safe environment they need to be themselves.

What made you start it?

The belief that femdom clubs could exist, but didn’t, or not at least not in the way we hoped they could. A lot of people said they *couldn’t* exist at the time (2003), that there simply wouldn’t be enough people who would show up and make a party like that happen, an exclusively “femdom” event.

My feeling was people didn’t understand how people like us ticked, didn’t appreciate how many of us there were. That given an example of how much fun could be created by getting them together, and making it more accessible, we would come out of the shadows.

A very different vibe is created when you see femdom enthusiasts playing together, a unique atmosphere. It always seems so joyful to me, when women “en mass” take control.

It almost sounds like you built a community, tell me more?

It was already there of course, but not gathering in the same way. Pedestal gave a certain section of that community a chance to come and play together, to make that special atmosphere that comes from femdom clubbing.

Mistress Morning Star, Mistress Viper & Mistress Stone. Photograph by derek

Jamie Moon & Dom the Sub. Photograph by derek

Mistress Pixie Mills & Princess Lexi. Photograph by derek

Shelly, Captain Leon & Megan. Photograph by derek

What’s your favourite kinky hobby?

Photography and polishing boots.

And your favourite vanilla hobby?

Trail endurance running, it’s got something in common with Pedestal, fabulous scenes and exhaustion.

What is your favourite book, movie, or blogger?

Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, The Mission, Film my Run

What do you believe it’s your greatest achievement? and your biggest failure?

Success: Parenting, loved doing it and thanks to their Mother they’ve turned out great.

Failure: Coping with ADHD, still utterly unable to avoid getting distracted.

What did that teach you about yourself?

With parenting you learn the importance of community, patience and enjoying people being themselves, not so different to some of the lessons of kink, shockingly.

Failing at ADHD teaches you the importance of planning.

Do you have any advice for young kinksters?

Go to the clubs and munches, don’t be put off by how fab everyone looks, inside they’re just regular people who’ll be happy to see you take your first steps. 

And for subs like yourself?

Be a symbolist rather than a literalist. Being true to what your fetishes mean, rather than doggedly  acting them out, will make Her, and you, much happier.

Will you share a funny anecdote from your life in the scene?

I mentioned at the start how stressed I feel showing what I am in fetish clothing in public. There was a time at Pedestal  when we shared the venue with an enormous freshers night for students. At one point, to my horror, I had to walk through their part of the venue to get to the manager’s office. It was so rammed with vanilla first year students, must have taken me 5 minutes to walk 50 yards. I was of course dressed as a “fetish slave” pressing through hundreds of these crowded students, all seemingly laughing at me. Given my paranoia, it was genuinely funny… I think you had to be there. 

Also falsely accusing my dear masochistic friend Luigi of mistakes just to see him get kicked in the bollocks by sadistic women never gets old. 

That was amazing, thank you Derek! I love to hear such a fresh and different perspective, particularly one from someone I respect. Thank you for your candor!

That is all for today, thank you for the time and patience, and see you at the next Club Pedestal (which is on November 28 2024)!

To you all, take care and keep it kinky!!