Kink community: Anita Cassidy, from Alethya

It’s time for another interview! I have interviewed a few Dommes, so I thought it only fair to interview different perspectives, like I have done for Derek, Club Pedestal organiser. 

Let me introduce you to Anita Cassidy, a writer, a conscious living and loving advocate, and founder of Alethya. She writes and speaks about open relationships, non-monogamy, conscious monogamy.

Firstly, can you please tell us who you are and how you identify yourself?

I’m a Anita Cassidy, I identify as Femme, cisgender and I am Bi. I am submissive and recently exploring being more dominant.

You mention ‘recently exploring being more dominant’, can you tell me more about that? 

I wrote recently about how buying a latex catsuit unlocked a new sense of my self as someone that could and would like to be more dominant in some connections.

I’ve had a few experiences of that and really enjoyed them. I’m looking forward to this evolving further. I think allowing your kink identity to change is important as is letting your desires and imagination surprise you a little.

In three words, how would you describe yourself?

Short. Bit irritating.

What’s your personality like?

Enthusiasm is my middle name. I can be quite intense and also impatient as well as generous and kind. I’m passionate about my writing, about exploration and about everyone having the freedom and confidence to create the life they would like for themselves.

What is your writing style? Can you tell me more?

If you read my writing you know it’s me, I think. I’m honest, quite plainly spoken and also, I think, generous about the reality of being human and how we all make mistakes.

One of the characters in my first novel, Appetite, does things that most people regard as terrible but she’s also someone trying her best: I think this can be true of us all.

The recent short story, ‘Bulletproof’, is much more lyrical which I think comes from having to work harder to create more impact with fewer words. Also, I was crushing on someone really hard when I wrote it and I think that’s pretty obvious.

What inspired your journey into writing? Did you have a “aha” moment?

I did National Novel Writing Month in 2012 when my kids were nearly 5 and 3. This is an online challenge where you try to write 50,000 words in a month. It was hard for many years to make writing a regular practice. I wrote 50,000 words that November and then nothing for 6 months. In 2014 and 2015, I wrote the first 100,000 words of Appetite over two National Novel Writing months. Setting aside a month where you make writing every day a priority was a game changer. I write almost every day now.

Can you tell us about your latest book? What was the inspiration behind it?

‘Bulletproof’ was an idea I had after an important friendship of mine changed and when I wanted to write about what I guess is my ideal relationship. I began writing thinking it would just be BDSM erotica, a way of capturing the quality and nature of the power dynamic I was interested in. No one was more surprised than me when I realised they were also deeply in love. Getting to know Eloise and Smith and seeing them explore their dynamic has been a powerful experience for me. I’ve written another 4 stories about them and there are still at least 4 more to come.

Who are your readers and what do you hope they take away from it?

That BDSM is a normal part of life for many people and that a dynamic is something which takes time and effort to create as well as creativity. There are no secret rooms, it’s all out in the open. They have normal jobs, go for walks, eat dinner and also have this very intense connection.

Click here to watch Anita’s TEDx Talk. 

What has been the most rewarding part of your journey so far?

Having people tell me that ‘Bulletproof’ made them cry. And getting it out into the world by myself (with help from my amazing editor and designer, of course!)

There are always challenges in writing, can you tell me about the biggest challenge you’ve encountered, and how you overcame it?

Trying to get the stories out to more people and facing the reality that so many people just don’t have the time or inclination to read. I think people would love to read more but, understandably, struggle to find time.

When and how did you discover the BDSM and kink scene?

When I opened up my marriage in 2015, I logged on to OKCupid, filled out the questions and was surprised, and delighted, when people started approaching me with a certain type of energy. I was like: oh, what’s this? I also met my friend Miller then and his tumblr was one of the first things I saw where I was like: This, this is what I want.

Meeting someone whose imagination matched mine was really special and continues to be an important part of that friendship.

What made you pursue a life in the scene?

I had to make lots of new friends as hardly anyone from my old life in Kent wanted to stay friends once I’d left my husband.

I started going to munches and events like AC, TG and Subversion in 2016 and never looked back.

What made you stay?

The people. Everyone is so friendly and lovely.

What else are you involved in?

I have a really close circle of friends who I invest a lot of time in and I also have my teenagers who keep me busy. I write a lot and run Alethya, a conscious relationship website.

Can you share some stories from the kink community?

I love how the scene bounced back after covid. And how it is always evolving. People talk a lot about it having changed as if it’s for the worse but, as a woman, I would say the scene feels safer with every year that passes.

That said, we do need to be aware how easy it can be for some people to hide or get away with bad actions: believe women when they tell you their experiences.

What’s your favourite kinky hobby?

Browsing Libidex’s website and tumblr for latex inspo, getting out and about on the scene. Nothing beats in person interactions even if it can feel difficult or put you out of your comfort zone.

And your favourite vanilla hobby?

Reading and really good, seasonal food 🙂

What was your greatest achievement and your biggest failure?

My kids. And my inability to learn any foreign languages.

What did your greatest achievement/biggest failure teach you about yourself?

That what you don’t do often matters more than what you do and that we have to keep going even when we can’t see tangible results or change.

What movie or book has influenced you the most?

I re-watch Pleasantville all the time. The ideas it captures about feeling all the feelings and fully allowing your creative and sexual self are really important messages for me.

And books-wise, reading incredible writing is always very inspiring. At the moment, I’m loving James Ellroy, Cormac McCarthy and Hilary Mantel.

All images have been use with Anita’s consent. 

Do you have any advice for young aspiring kinky writers?

Just start. Type. Scribble. Daydream. Get words on a page. Tell the stories you want to tell.

Will you share a funny anecdote from your life in the scene?

One of my favourite stories is about being at a dungeon party and having this conversation about Duxford Air Museum whilst all around me was the noise of flogging and orgasms. I was like: this is my place, somewhere that I can talk about and be anything, where I can nerd out and also get a spanking.

Ah, the rise of digital media, how do you see traditional publishing evolving?

It’s already evolved. I think we will continue to see the polarisation of big name, celebrity authors and everyone else, it will continue to be harder to find time to read. And more people will publish for themselves as that gets easier. I also think people will always want well-written stories that make them feel.

Now tell me, what does the future have in store for you?

I’m excited to keep writing and to get the new set of Eloise and Smith stories out. I have lots of creative ideas about how to use social media to tell other parts of their story. I’m looking forward to continuing my kink journey and making new friends.

Available on Amazon here. 

How very insightful, thank you for your time Anita, and thank you for your inspiring answers 🙂

That is all for today and if you want to know more about Anita visit her website. 

To you all, take care and keep it kinky!!